Saturday, August 7, 2010

Speaking of which...

Saturday, 7 August 2010 - Do you ever leave the house and for just a moment fear you've left your cell phone behind? But before you go back in to the house, you pat yourself down, checking pockets - front and back, and in my case, check both sides of your bra?  This little cellular pat down... or the 'phone grope' seems a pretty common event in my world.  I must grope myself half a dozen times a day.  Like one of those OCD'ers who turn the lights on and off 11 times before leaving the house, and re-locking the deadbolt 8 times times to ensure it's locked,  I'm getting a little obsessive about checking for my phone.  My current phone isn't working all that well, and yet there I am, going for the phone grope in hopes that I haven't forgotten my life line.

I don't have a land line, and I don't carry around a day timer, a note pad, laptop or iPad.  My phone contains my life. I cross the border, and verify that it picked up the new carrier as soon as I've traversed the 49th. My phone allows me to play scrabble with NYC, gives me music whenever I need a beat,  acts as a GPS when I'm lost,  and fills in as understudy to the Kindle when I leave my Booklike Thingy at home. I have maybe become far too attached to this tiny piece of technology, but everyone has a vice. I have a few, but no other vice has be groping myself so frequent or so openly. Sure you get the occasional stare, but as soon as you pull out your phone, those watching all nod in full understanding, and then look down in shame as they realize they too probably get caught doing the phone grope.

In front of an audience, it is important to take your phone out, put it on silent, start the stopwatch, and leave it on the podium in front of you.  When public speaking, it is not the time to go searching for your phone with a little personal patting.  There are better things, more professional things, you can be doing with your hands. (Make gestures for emphasis, point at illustrations on your presentation, write on the board... what did you think I meant?).  For all you public speakers out there, Happy Professional Speakers Day. Without you, we would not have any need to attend conferences and would have to go to other cities for fun and frolic. Without professional speakers, we wouldn't need laser pointers... and what cat owner doesn't need a laser pointer?  Without professional speakers, there would be no politics... and therefore no comedy... other than Charlie Sheen.  For this, dear speaker we thank you.

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