Monday, 5 July 2010 - Having a life outside of work is a ton of work. I find it so much easier to get up, put on my work wear, go do what they pay me to do, and come home to do it all again tomorrow. With work, I usually know what to expect. I can do the job with some level of proficiency, and at the end of each two week rotation, they pay me for doing the job. And in the end, it is just so much easier to go to work than it is to not work.
Work is a known, quantifiable, predictable entity. In some ways this is what is so appealing about work. Work can also involve a lot of change and challenge, which too is incredibly appealing. When work is constant change and much challenge, I don't think too much about my not at work life. When work gets a little predictable, I start to look at my not at work life and wonder what the hell I'm doing with the non-work days. I spend some of that time getting ready to be at work... laundry, lunches.... But away from getting ready for work on non-work days, I find the rest of that time rather stressful and, frankly, down right depressing.
I made a promise to myself two and a half years ago that I would not continue to live to work, but would rather work to live. On paper (and on a computer screen), this looks easy enough. But then along came some very challenging work with lots of change, lots of opportunity, and was a project with a fast approaching deadline. Work was exhilarating. There just wasn't enough time for life outside of work. As a result I missed C's entire first year, lost touch with my family, lost touch with my friends, and worse, forgot how to get to Whiterock. Honestly, I loved every second of it. Work defines me. Sad, but true.
Well, the deadline was made, the project finished on budget and early, and then the day to day operations began. Finally, I had time to once again re-connect with the people outside of work (re-re-connected?). I re-visited (re-re-visited) my work-to-live promise. Then came the Olympics. Another project, and another fast approaching and unmovable deadline. Wahoo.... work work work. Now I have to re-re-re-connect with friends and family, and here I am, on Workaholic Day re-re-re-visiting my work-to-live plan.
The thing about us workaholics... we rely on work to keep us sane. We rely on work to distract us from the rest of our lives, because we all work too hard to have them. Work is a distraction that keeps us from facing the reality of our lives. Don't know what I'm afraid to look at... there isn't anything there of which to be afraid. There isn't a bad relationship to worry about... there isn't a relationship to be bad. There isn't screaming kids to come home to... there isn't any kids. There aren't too many social engagements to be late for, cause there isn't that many social engagements. Am I afraid that I will look and see a void? A void could be looked at as a blank canvas. A blank canvas could be an opportunity whereby I get to create the life that I work to support.
It is workaholic day and I am proud to say that I have the day off. Granted it is part of my regularly scheduled days off, but we don't have to focus on that part do we? Tell you what... I will not look at the Blackberry all day. Well, maybe only to check my mail. Baby steps.
You're doing a piss poor job of keeping that promise... Just sayin'
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