Titleless Men in our Lives

Friday, June 18, 2010 - There are many reasons to hold a month in celebration of Men.  After all, if there wasn't an International Men's Month, how would you know it's time to stroke egos and praise the crooked curtain rods? Seriously, International Men's Month is a good time to send a card to the chairman of BP and tell him how we are so happy a man is in charge of stopping the spewing oil and the cleanup of the gulf after all, the "small people"¹ will be thankful when they see the great work BP will do to clean up their screw ups.

So tell me, in a world that has been, and likely will be for many more generations to come, focused on the success of men, why do we need a month dedicated to men?  Do we need a month dedicated to ignorance - Bliss Month?  How about a month dedicated to stupidity - What the Hell Month Is It? Or we can skip the bull and go straight to Screw Up Royally Month.  Oh wait, BP has already done that.

There are thousands upon thousands of oil pouring in to the Gulf of Mexico, and there are fish, reptile and fowl washing up dead, dying or in serious distress.  The men of BP are spouting off bad crap as fast and furious as their well is spouting crude in to the waters of the gulf. I don't mind celebrating men as a month, but can we be selective of which men we will celebrate?  Cause the BaPhoons are not on my list.

How about we celebrate the fathers and brothers that have helped shape the world. There are the men we rely on - husbands, boyfriends, friends - that will never truly understand how much they are appreciated and needed.  We could celebrate them.  We could call June a month of treating those men in our lives who provide deep meaning and valu with honestly and understanding. I am a fortunate girl indeed.  There are two men in my life who fill very special places in my life. One is my best friend.  He provides me a family to which I go home and married a woman who has become the sister I never had.  Together they have given me two beautiful girls that fill the role of my nieces and give me the chance to be an aunt.   The other is a relationship that to my, defies description. Hi is my brother.  A best friend and a confidant from whom I have nothing to hide.  He is the one person in my life to whom I will openly admit my faults, mistakes, and all the bullshit that I keep solidly bottled up from everyone else.  He sees me cry, pout, shine, laugh and admit defeat.  As a unit, the three of us are joking the "id" the "ego" and the "superego."  A cohesive unit of three very different people.  These are the men in my life that I choose to celebrate for International Men's Month.  Perhaps there is much more to the concept of International Men's Month.  There is Father's Day.... self descriptive.  But what about the other men in your life?  Is there anyone who has helped shape you, or is there for you when you are certain there really isn't anyone there at all? Not your husbands or boyfriends, not the great philosophers or inventors, and not your fathers - but the other men who are sometimes left on the periphery.  These are the guys in our lives who don't have a special day, because they are there all the time.  They get a month.

Today is also Go Fishing Day.  This year I don't recommend casting a line - god knows how many crude oil balls you might catch. Instead, think long and hard before complaining about the rise in the cost of fresh seafood and the lives that will be affected by this spill and find.  I caught a fish once, and I didn't know what to do once it started flopping about on the dock in a panic.  My cousin threw a rock at it until it ceased to panic - and live.  Now the BP Chair and CEO... they should not get a month, or a day, or even an hour.  What they should get is tied to a pole out in the surf of the Gulf, and for every fish, fowl, plankton, or living thing harmed by their lack of concern for the "little people" those same little people should get to throw a rock at them. It's a little like fishing. Perhaps the Muslim extremists were on to something after all.


1.  BP Chairman - gafaw. 

Celibate with a new Mate...

Wow... I know I don't write much any more, but looking back at how long it's been, I can understand if there isn't a soul left reading this blog.  I mean seriously, why bother?  It's been what?....   17 months (since I wrote)? Ok, maybe not that long but it might as well be.

I was working the other night with my team - who I have to say is the greatest team to work with.  We got to talking about it being Celibacy Month and the question was... why a month?  I mean seriously? Even virgin teenagers don't last an entire month once the hormones kick in - unless they've signed a celibacy contract and event then, they will be doing well if they push 2 months.  Admit it... we were all (or are) teenagers once and who the heck could concentrate on subjugation or convergence?  Well, unless you were subjucating someone worth converging with that is.  So...  ultimately, I starting thinking about this blog and how much I miss writing even if only for myself.

So... June, or what is left of it, is Celibacy Awareness Month.  There are many people who choose celibacy, if only to appease the parental units.  There are those who do not choose celibacy, but are living proof that sex is the cause of life, but not required for life. There are those who choose to be celibate in spurts... the Serial Celibater (The Dry Cereal Aisle?)  There are those who are celibate in spurts not by choice but by circumstances (single in the Pacific Northwest), and those who are celibate by marriage (still married after 6.8 years).

The need to call it Celibacy AWARENESS month seems a little redundant.  Trust me, if you have been celibate for any lenght of time, either by choice or by circumstance, you are well aware of the fact that you are celibate.  Now celibate by definition is one who abstains from sex¹.  There is nothing in the definition to state the cause of such an absention, nor is there any implication of the motivations for celibacy.  So can celibacy be an affliction that is caught like a disease? And other than divorce, is there a vaccine for that?

June is the time of the year when the days are longest and the Vitamin D absorption is at a yearly high. June is a time of  warmer weather and smaller clothes, the start of summer vacation and the end of the school year.  It's a season ripe for meeting up with new people and meeting new mates. Hormones are at an all-year high. So tell me... why is it that June also plays host to Meet a Mate Week (June 14 - 21). Seriously? When you meet a new mate, are you really going to want to tell them over a cocktail in a loud bar, where you run the risk of a quiet moment in the music, to yell that you have committed to celibacy?  There will be plenty of time for celibacy later.  Hit the 7 year itch mark, and you'll be lucky to not be celibate (and not by choice).  Sadly, there is not yet a vaccine for that.   There is a little blue pill.......





1.  Dictionary.com definition  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/celibate

Wrap This Up

Friday, December 25, 2009 - Christmas. Hanukkah. Kwanzaa. Festivus. Whether you celebrate or not, it's hard to not feel that the air is different at this time of year. People are harried, frustrated, and feeling a tad guilty about not feeling the warm giving spirit that shouldn't be reserved for merely one day a year. Yet, year after year, we let what we haven't done or that which we have not finished dictate how prepared we are to celebrate friends and family.

I propose that this year, the only things you are allowed to think about are all the things you accomplished. This list might include the thanks you gave someone for a job well done - that was deserved, timely and genuine, or the bag of chocolate balls you pulled out of a red bag for your colleagues at the end of their shift after having to work Christmas eve. That might not seem like a big deal - but those chocolates were from the heart. Those little things that are from the heart is the source of that warm spirit to which we are meant to be striving. So how come the things we remember are the cards we didn't write and mail, the gifts I didn't find/buy/fight over, and the flowers I didn't get for friends? You know that saying - don't sweat the small stuff - I think it could be re-written for this season.... don't sweat the sMALL stuff. Get out of the mall, and get in to your loved one's lives. Find out what really makes them remember the holidays. Odds are, it won't be the gifts but the time spent together. It won't be the card they didn't receive, it will be the phone call (takes more time and effort than writing your name).

This year - I did find a perfect gift for a few people that are important to me. The one thing they all have in common is that they are all related to spending time together. It is a gift that doesn't require ribbons, wrap and bows. I won't get tape stuck to everything (and it's self... geez I hate that). I won't worry about the size and I'm not concerned about the colours it comes in this season. I won't torture myself worrying that mum already has one - doesn't use one, want one or otherwise not like. My gift this year to everyone is about spending a little time together, engaged in what is going on in their lives. This is a gift I don't need to pre-order... just schedule and be present. That is a present. No stress, no muss, no fuss.

So if I could just get past the fact that I haven't mailed out my cards.....

Ok... maybe a little guilt. Merry ho ho ho to everyone, whatever your holiday might be. If the cards didn't get out this year, they just didn't get out. Pick up the phone. Trust me - they will remember it longer and with warmer thoughts than a bit of dead tree and some mashed up vegetables for colour.

Wrap That Up

Thursday, December 17, 2009 - What would the holidays be without those gifts you open and ooh and ahh over publicly, while inside your brain is going a hundred miles an hour with questions. Those questions go something like this:

"What is it?"
"What were they thinking?"
"Who can I give this to?"
"How often am I going to have to put this out on display?"
"Oh crap, now I have to invite them over to see it"
"What the heck am I supposed to do with this?"
"I wonder what store it's from? Do they need receipts?"
"I hope I have a box to put this in."

Today you can go ahead and re-wrap that fabulous gift. It is Re-Gifting Day. The one day in the year where giving away the gifts you just couldn't understand. What this does mean is that it is NOT ok the rest of the year. Have you been storing those gifts for just such a day as today all year? Get out the cellophane tape and bows and get those gifts in to the hands of someone else who may not understand the gift. And if that same gift ends up in the hands of another by late tonight - that is one hell of a way to celebrate. If you are one of the lucky few who has not ever received a gift you couldn't explain, than perhaps you can help someone else celebrate the day. Go ahead and buy a special someone one of those kitchen gadgets with which Julia Child herself wouldn't know what to do. How about a sweater covered in Reindeer and decorated trees? Better yet, a blue sweater covered in Dreidels and Menorahs is the perfect gift - especially for your Muslim and Buddhist friends.

The malls are really out there to support you at this time of year. Every mall is full of Kiosk vendors selling everything from walking tripod speakers and lambskin g-strings to age defying hand creams sure to grow your nails and increase your grip strength. There has got to be a gift to re-gift available for you there. There is this kiosk in a mall near where I work. Just inside the mall there is a kiosk past the lotto centre (probably the busiest vendor in the mall) that seems to be selling that miracle hand cream of which I speak. I'm terrified to try one of their free samples. The woman who works the kiosk has black eyeliner, black eyeshadow, and very black lashes - at least I hope it's makeup - but you can see her very very black eyes from across the mall. If it is make-up, it is a shame that she hadn't re-gifted it.

Chocolate Covered Misery

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - Writing, it appears, is something that I have lost the desire to continue. I made a promise to keep writing, both to myself and to the four people who read this drivel, and failed. So yesterday, a colleague commented that they had read my blog. Honestly? I didn't think anyone was still reading this, and so I stopped writing. The fallout of that conversation is this post. I make no promises that this will be the first of many. I will also not promise this is my swan song. This is instead, a commitment to myself to do something I enjoy again.

I believe that is an admission that I enjoy writing. When it got to be too much it was really around the time that I was also spending large parts of my working life writing. I suspect that if this blog became a paid column, I would bet it would no longer hold interest for me. Of course, that's a little like sugar coating the obvious. When you put a price on something, the intrinsic value drops.

This festive season - Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Festivus (for the rest of us) - is really weeks of sugar coating. We spend time with family we will only spend time with because of the holidays. We buy gifts we wouldn't normally buy. We spend money we have not yet earned (love that credit), and we spend the next few months juggling our other responsibilities to pay for it all. But, we do it for the love of the season.

Hell, this season really seems to be about stress, frustration, crowds and excess pressure. Parties are supposed to be fun times, but often we go to the holiday gatherings because we are expected to attend. We bring hostess gifts, and a bottle of something to dull the pain - or dull the stress. Just be glad it isn't socially acceptable to bring what people are often really feeling at this time of year. Chocolate covered loneliness is hard to put in a box. Dark Chocolate Exhaustion is especially hard to wrap. I'm fond of yogurt covered raisins, but these too are only junk food in disguise. Sugar coated fruit so to speak. Oh hell, it's in theme. Today is Chocolate Coated Everything Day.

I know this isn't the most festive of prose, but it is my right to write. Yesterday was the Bill of Rights Day which really gives us all the ok to say whatever it is we want to say - and you can say it any way you want. That being said, we also have the right to bear arms, so if I really don't like what you're saying... your right to life, liberty and freedom is not yours. I don't know how you coat that in Chocolate.

Rainbow Warriors... Under Hats.

Tuesday, September 15th - Vancouver is known around the world as a livable city and a great city to visit. Of course we're also known as a city full of "Tree Huggers", "Dope Smokers", "Granola Crunchers", "Butt Munchers", and "Liberal Losers". Well, they couldn't be more right. The average Vancouver'ite loves trees, healthful cereal, a drag of dope, and liberal rights. Vancouver has a very high "Gay Quotient", and in general are incredibly very tolerant when it comes to our gay population.

Today is the Anniversary of Greenpeace. On September 15th in 1971, a group of activists set sail from Vancouver on an old fishing boat in hopes of spreading the word of a green and peaceful world. There is an old joke in Vancouver (and I mean old) that at any time in any pub or bar in Vancouver you will meet someone who will tell you they started Greenpeace. They sailed under a Rainbow Flag, and became known as Rainbow Warriors.

Today, Vancouver is famous for it's Pride Week, and the Rainbow Warriors now wear leather chaps and lipstick. The women are wearing even less. Hey... it's Make a Hat Day. That would cover up one head.